The power of loneliness: Why loneliness doesn’t have to be your enemy

According to a 2024 survey by health insurer „Techniker Krankenkasse“, 68% of 18–39-year-olds in Germany report feeling lonely “often, sometimes, or occasionally.” Of these, 36% say the feeling of loneliness places a significant burden on them. 

Jenny Wolf is one of them. From early childhood, she was often seen as “the strange one” in her social circles. For her, feelings of emptiness and loneliness stemmed from feeling unseen, unheard, and misunderstood: “I never really belonged anywhere. I was more of an outsider,” the 25-year-old explains.

Loneliness, according to Maike Luhmann, one of Germany’s leading loneliness researchers, is “a perceived gap between desired and actual social relationships.” Often, the quality of relationships matters more than the quantity. Loneliness is a subjective experience, often felt as deeply painful by those affected.

„Loneliness“ is sometimes used interchangeably with „being alone“ for instance, when people deliberately seek solitude in nature. This type of aloneness is often described as positive, says Maike Luhmann.

For Jenny, loneliness became a tool for growth. In that difficult period, she got to know herself better: “Suddenly I became interested in getting closer to myself understanding my inner world. I tried things that felt right and nourishing to me.”

In psychology, loneliness is considered a subjective feeling. Dr. Susanne Bücker, a professor of developmental and educational psychology at the University of Witten/Herdecke, told health magazine „Die Techniker“ that while loneliness often feels negative, being alone can be experienced differently: “Being alone can actually be something positive. And temporary loneliness, though unpleasant, is just another part of life like anger, sadness, and other difficult emotions.” 

Pforzheim-based psychotherapist Hans-Joachim Niemann agrees: “Being alone can be something very positive, even emotionally uplifting,” he says. Niemann works with many clients who struggle with loneliness. “Many of them actually gain something from their experience with loneliness. I see that quite often in my practice and it continues to surprise me,” he adds.

Some of his clients have discovered new hobbies like skydiving or paragliding. Others have awakened their creative side. In many cases, solitude became a spark for self-development and personal growth, providing an opportunity to explore and update their inner world.

It’s not hard to find lonely people these days. On platforms like Instagram or TikTok, more and more individuals are opening up about this once-taboo topic. Content creator Jaquelyn Reimann from Hanover used to repress her feelings of loneliness until she confronted them head-on and recognized the “problem” for what it truly was: “When I started working through my issues, I stopped seeing them as negative. I began to view them as milestones challenges and, above all, opportunities for growth.”

Now 30, Jaquelyn began using social media at a young age, often portraying a picture-perfect life. Eventually, she chose transparency openly sharing her struggles, including loneliness. By doing so, she takes her followers on a journey and hopes to inspire as many people as possible.

To Jaquelyn, loneliness isn’t a curse it’s a chance: “Loneliness always sounds negative. But to me, it’s not. I’ve gained so many positive insights through it. It’s helped me grow, because I’ve come to understand myself and my emotions better and that’s a good thing.”

Her fellow influencer Sophie Breuer shares a similar experience: “I used to think loneliness was purely negative. Today, I see it as a chance to learn more about myself. Over time, I’ve realized it’s okay to be alone sometimes. It helps you grow and become more independent.”

Through loneliness, Sophie has discovered a deeper understanding of herself and grown more self-reliant. Where she once sought validation from others, she now knows what she wants and needs: “My self-image has become stronger but also more honest.”

Psychotherapist Dr. Niemann explains that loneliness often turns people inward: “You start asking yourself a lot of questions about your identity, your personal development, your expectations, your upbringing. It can offer helpful perspective and foster personal growth,” he says. He believes that loneliness can be overcome through developing a strong relationship with oneself.

Jaquelyn, for example, channels her loneliness into creativity: “My creativity has taken on a new life since I learned how to work with my loneliness. I’ve discovered writing, and I now feel more inspired to paint or create. It helps me tremendously.”

Meanwhile, Jenny Wolf has found herself connecting more deeply with nature, reading more, and investing in personal education. She spends intentional, quality time with herself: “My way of handling various situations has completely transformed. I’ve become calmer, more solution-oriented, and much kinder to myself.” She says her whole being has evolved for the better.

But what happens when setbacks occur? “I always try to see the good in setbacks,” Jaquelyn says confidently. “What matters is that I feel my feelings and engage with whatever situation I’m in.”

Loneliness enabled her a personal growth. Also Dr. Niemann observes this in his patients: “They learn how to manage things on their own,” he explains. “They don’t just build relationships with others, they also learn to connect with themselves, with their inner child. That, too, can ease loneliness.”

For Jaquelyn, black-and-white thinking doesn’t cut it. She prefers a more colorful outlook, one that loneliness has helped her cultivate: “I’m slowly finding my way back to myself.”